“I am actually really excited to see Santa kill some people.” – Ryan Roch in the intro to this episode
We regret to inform you that Ryan’s excitement was misplaced. Watto’s Christmas present for us this week was the 1984 slasher “classic” Silent Night, Deadly Night, and it is really, really bad. So bad that this is our shortest episode over. I’m sorry, but there are only so many ways to say, “This movie suuuuuuuuuucks.”
But, here, indulge your morbid curiosity.
We would have been better off with any of our other Christmas selections. Here’s what they were, in case you’d like to catch a glimpse of an alternate, much happier reality:
- Right wing Christian wacko Kirk Cameron’s aptly-titled piece of right wing Christian wacko propaganda, Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas. This is apparently considered by some to be one of the worst movies of all time. It’s probably still more entertaining than the movie we ended up watching.
- Kevin stays on brand with the 2017 Hallmark romance, The Christmas Train. Someone learns the true meaning of Christmas. They kiss someone of the opposite sex at the end. You know the deal.
- Some dumb movie that nobody gives a fuck about called The Night of the Hunter.
- B-movie auteur Charles Band’s 1984 science fiction masterpiece Trancers. It really is too bad this movie hasn’t been featured on the show so far, and probably never will be.
- The 2010 Finnish fantasy/horror film Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale. If you want to see people trying to hunt down and capture the demonic inspiration for the Santa Claus myth, this picture is for you.
That’s it! We hope you enjoy this episode more than we enjoyed watching the movie! Don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review!