WHY ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS? LISTEN TO THIS:
Listen to me.
Cancel your Avengers: Endgame tickets. Burn your subscription to Disney+. Burn down your office building. Stop paying taxes. Uninstall HBO Now and send a raven telling them to eat zombie fist. Send a vet to neuter The Lion King. Remember that Dark Phoenix exists,1 and then forget about it. Send an email to JJ Abrams saying, simply, “No thanks.” Throw your computer in a pile of trash and step on it. Get a divorce from your children. Keep your appointment for the third John Wick movie (let’s not do anything crazy).
None of that stuff matters (except John Wick).
In one fell blast of rockin’ atomic fire, Bear McCreary and Serj Tankian have obliterated all of that stuff.2 Beyond just being an incredible cover of a kickass song, what I’m getting from this is a strong suggestion that, with Godzilla: King of the Monsters, Michael Dougherty and his team really understand exactly what it is that fans want from this franchise. Why else take a goofy (awesome) song from Blue Oyster Cult (which I said months ago that I would like to have playing over the end credits) and do it this kind of glorious justice?3
There’s only one conclusion to make, and that’s that this crew realize that what we’re here for is a faithful, respectful, but still fun multimillion dollar recreation of the Showa-era films like Destroy All Monsters, and they’ve decided to give it to us. Against all odds, all sense of logic, and against even the laws of probability, they’ve decided to give it to us.
What a time to be alive.
Fair warning: if this song starts playing when Godzy and Ghidorah charge at each other while the Air Force zooms in to provide support, I am going to scream nuclear fire directly into the screen.